Keeping It Together
by Marion the Geek
Summary: Follow up to WE DON'T HUG and TWO WAY STREET. Chapter fic this time. Bobby's mother dies on Thanksgiving day. Alex is there for him. Support systems are tested and friendships are strengthened. This is a story about family. Epilogue Up.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is a sequel to "We Don't Hug" and "Two Way Street." This is also sort of a prediction of what I think will happen in the Thanksgiving episode, jazzed up a little bit, naturally.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue, everybody's happy.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter 1

Alex Eames grabbed the last can of cranberry sauce from the top shelf at the crowded bodega and practically whooped in victory. This was store number five on her quest for the canned good and she'd been about to give up.

Everyone in the Eames clan loved her mother's homemade cranberry sauce, which was probably simmering away at her parents' house at that very moment. Everyone except for Caleb, her almost three-year-old nephew, who loved nothing more than the gelatinous goo that plopped from the can with a slurp and never lost its shape.

In her nearly epic quest for the elusive canned cranberry sauce she'd accidentally ended up blocked by the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, been shoved by pushier store patrons, and nearly twisted her ankle climbing the shelves to reach the last can on the top shelf. The snow flurries, though pretty, did not help matters, only serving to make the already hectic New York City traffic that much more erratic.

But it was hers now. She joined the crush of people in the only checkout line and waited to pay for her prize.

Her cell phone rang. "Hi mom," she said, answering it. "Yeah, I got it. I'll be there in about forty-five minutes. Love you, too. Bye."

She reached the counter and paid for the cranberry sauce. She was pretty sure the price had increased with the demand. Anything for Caleb.

She ran to her car and hopped in. After checking to make sure the green bean casserole she'd so carefully prepared the night before was secure, she pulled out onto the street.

Eight blocks from her parents' house in Queens a speeding SUV cut her off. She had to slam on her brakes to avoid an accident. The green bean casserole dumped out all over the front seat of her car. "Damn it! If I wasn't already late I'd go lights and sirens and give you a ticket, Asshole!"

She pulled into her parents' driveway and surveyed the damage to the sloshed casserole. Unsalvageable. And her car would have to be cleaned. _Yuck!_

She trudged inside and hung up her coat and scarf, damp with snow flurries. "I'm here," she called, heading for the kitchen with the can of cranberry sauce. "Hi Mom," she said, pecking her mother on the cheek. "Here you go."

Annette Eames took the proffered can of cranberry sauce and stuck it in the fridge. "Thanks honey. Happy Thanksgiving."

"You too. It smells great in here, Mom," said Alex, surveying the array of cooking food. "I'm afraid the green bean casserole had an accident all over the front of my car on the way here. I couldn't save it and my car may never smell the same again."

"Well I'm sorry about your car," said her mother. "But don't worry about it. There certainly won't be any shortage of food. I'm just glad you managed to get Caleb's cranberry sauce on such short notice."

"Me too. Am I the last to arrive?"

"They're all in the den with your father watching the end of the parade," said Annette.

Alex went to the den. Her sister, Elizabeth, was sitting on the couch with her husband. Her son, Caleb, was sitting on her lap watching the TV intently. Alex's older brother, Ted, was sitting on the loveseat with his wife, while Ted's two daughters sat on the floor with her little brother, Sam. Johnny Eames was sitting in his big comfy recliner. Alex went to perch on the arm of his chair.

"Good morning, Daddy," she said.

"Morning, Sweetheart," he said. "How are you?"

"Aside from the green bean casserole all over my car … great," she said, flashing him her trademark sardonic grin.

"Do I want to know what happened?"

"Some jerk cut me off. I slammed on brakes and the casserole went flying. You should have seen it. It was like cream of mushroom soup fireworks."

Johnny chuckled. "Is Bobby coming to dinner?" he asked.

"No. He's visiting his mom today. I figured I'd take him a plate (or five, knowing Mom) when I leave tonight."

Author's Note: So that's the first chapter. Future chapters will be longer. I still haven't decided how shippy this will be. Or how long this will be. I will warn you, updates in November will be sporadic at best. I'll be busy with NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). Google it for more info. As always, do something nice for your fanfic karma and review.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This is chapter two. Please read and review. (a very not clever rhyme)

Disclaimer: I don't own CI, but I make no money from CI (or anything else really, my job pays crap) so please don't sue.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter 2

Alex was sitting next to Caleb, watching with amusement as he fed himself turkey and cranberry sauce with his pudgy little fingers. They were in the middle of the delicious Eames family feast when Alex's cell phone rang. Praying that it wasn't a case, she excused herself to the kitchen to answer. "Eames."

"Alex…" From the sound of Bobby's voice she could tell something was not right.

"I'm here, Bobby. What's wrong?"

"When they called me this morning I thought I could handle this alone. But I-I can't." He sounded anguished and timid.

"You can't what, Bobby? What's going on? Where are you?" she asked.

"I'm at Carmel Ridge. My mom … she … she died this morning."

Alex sat down hard in a kitchen chair. "Oh, Bobby," she breathed. Her heart ached for him.

"I didn't want to call you and disrupt your family. I'm sorry," he said.

"No, it's fine. I'm glad you called me. Did you drive up there?"

"No. I wasn't fit to drive so I took a cab. But I haven't gone in. I-I can't do this by myself," he said softly.

"I'll be there as fast as I can," she said. "I'm going to go say goodbye to my family and then I'll be on the road."

"Thank you, Alex," he said. "You're the only… Thank you."

"Don't worry, Bobby. I'll be there soon."

Once she got off the phone she went back to the table. "I'm so sorry, everyone, but I have to leave."

"Is it work?" asked her little brother, Sam. "Do you have a case?"

"No, it's not a case. Dad, can I talk to you for a minute?" Caleb was reaching up for her, having affected an air of petulance at the announcement of her impending departure. She picked him up and kissed his baby cheeks before handing him to his mother. Her father walked with her to the living room.

"What's going on, Alex?" he asked.

"Bobby's mother passed away this morning."

"Oh, dear," said Annette, following her husband and daughter into the room.

"He needs me. Dad, can we switch cars for the night?" she asked. "I need to go get Bobby from out at Carmel Ridge and I don't have time to deal with the green bean casserole mess in my car. Besides, your car is better in the snow."

"Of course," said Johnny Eames.

"Let me make you some turkey sandwiches to take with you," said Annette. "I bet he hasn't eaten, poor man, and you didn't finish dinner."

"Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad."

"You let Bobby know if he needs anything, he can call us," said Annette.

"I will, Mom."

xxx

It took Alex just over two hours to get up to the Carmel Ridge Center for Mental Health. Snow flurries had continued to fall, gathering a couple of inches on the side of the roadway. The traffic wasn't bad and she felt she made good time getting there. She parked and walked toward the main entrance.

She spotted Bobby sitting on a bench outside of the Carmel Ridge Center. He was wearing his full-length wool coat but he had on no gloves nor scarf nor hat. He was sitting very still, staring down at his hands clasped on his lap. He'd allowed snow to collect in his hair and on his shoulders. Despite his massive size, he looked like nothing so much as a lost little boy.

He glanced up at her as she approached.

"Have you been out here since you called me?" she asked.

"Longer," he admitted softly.

"Bobby, it's freezing out here. You're going to make yourself sick," said Alex.

"I barely noticed the cold," he said. "I just couldn't go in there yet."

She dusted the snow off his shoulders and out of his hair with slow and deliberate gentleness. She removed her gloves, then, and tucked them in her coat pocket. She lay her warm fingers against his cheeks. "You're as cold as ice."

It was as though some internal floodgate had been opened. Hot tears flowed in rivers down Robert Goren's face. She put her arms around him, holding him silently while he cried. Bobby clung to her for a time. When his quiet sobs had subsided she leaned back to look into his face. "We should go inside and see if we can find you something warm to drink. There's a cafeteria, isn't there?" she asked.

He nodded. He reached out to touch her face with the chilled fingers of his left hand. "Thank you," he whispered hoarsely. "I-I'm sorry I interrupted your holiday. Thank you for being here."

She took his hand in both of her own. "Bobby, you don't need to thank me and you certainly don't need to apologize. I want to be here. You shouldn't have to face this alone."

The corners of his mouth twitched upwards slightly. "Thank you, Alex."

She rolled her eyes and sighed in mock frustration. "You're welcome, Bobby," she said, standing up. She leaned over to brush her lips against his forehead. "C'mon, lets go find that cafeteria before you get frostbite, you big lug," she said, lacing her fingers with his and pulling him along with her.

Author's note: See, now we're back to support systems and angst. Reviews are good for fanfic karma (and they encourage feedback whore author's like me to write more).


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: This chapter took longer than the others did. I wrote it. Then I rewrote it twice. I didn't want to post it until I was satisfied. I think I am now. I hope it meets with approval.

Disclaimer: I promise to put them back where I found them. And I don't make any money from this. So Mr. Wolf, I'd be ever so grateful if you won't sue me.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 3

When they got inside Alex noticed that Bobby was shivering. They went straight to the cafeteria where she helped him take off his coat. Then she ushered him into a chair. Feeling a little forward (but deciding it didn't matter under the circumstances), she began to rub his arms vigorously to get the blood flowing into his extremities.

After a moment she said "I'm going to go get you some hot chocolate or something."

Bobby nodded in thanks and Alex headed off to procure the warmth giving liquid.

Soon she returned with two steaming cups of whip cream topped cocoa. Bobby was leaning on his elbows on the table, his big palms pressed over his eyes. She set the cocoa down and squeezed his shoulder gently. "How are you doing?" she asked.

He lifted his head to look at her. He looked haggard. "I'm okay, I guess," he said softly. "Thank you for the cocoa."

"No problem," she said. "You need anything else?"

Bobby shook his head and took a big warming drink of his hot cocoa. "How is your family?" he asked.

"Good. Everyone was there this morning. A full house, my mom calls it. My niece Cassie said to tell you hi. She asks about you a lot. She was quite taken with you at the fourth of July barbeque," said Eames.

Bobby smiled a little at the memory of the seven year old who had demanded he attend her tea party under the apple tree in Johnny Eames' back yard.

"Caleb won't eat my mom's homemade cranberry sauce, but he loves the canned kind. I went to five stores this morning trying to find canned cranberry sauce. I got the last can and I thought the other woman on the aisle was going to kill me."

Bobby was smiling now. "I'm sure you could have taken her," he said.

"Probably," she said, blowing on her cocoa.

"Did you cook?" he asked, smirking slightly.

"You know very well my mother cooks enough to feed an army. But I made the green been casserole, I'll have you know," she said with more pride than the dish really deserved.

Bobby held up his hands in mock surrender.

"But then some jerk cut me off on the way to my parents' house this morning and the casserole splattered all over my car," she added.

Bobby chuckled softly. "Sounds like you had a busy morning," he said.

"Something like that," she said with a smile. She took a drink of her cocoa and ended up with whip cream on her nose.

"That's a good look for you," said Bobby, handing her his handkerchief. Alex rolled her eyes but took the proffered cloth.

They sat in companionable silence as they finished their cocoa.

"Do you want me to go with you to make arrangements for your mom? Or do you just want me to wait here for you?" Alex asked after a few minutes.

Bobby looked contemplative. "If you would wait for me, that would be great," he said. "I don't think it will take very long. Mom and I did some preplanning."

"Take as long as you need, Bobby. I'll be here," she said, patting his hand.

He smiled sadly at her. "Just knowing you're here makes me stronger," he said.

Alex bit her lip, overcome with emotion. "I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," she said softly. She reached out and ruffled his graying curls affectionately.

"Its true," said Bobby.

She took another long sip of her cocoa, not knowing how to respond. After a moment she said "I'll call the Captain and let him know about your mom," she said. "While you make the arrangements."

"Thank you."

"Is there anyone else you want me to call?"

"Um…" Bobby thought for a minute. "Lewis, I guess. I'll call my mom's best friend tomorrow. There really isn't anyone else."

"What about your brother?" Alex asked, almost timidly. She knew this would not be a fun subject.

Bobby's expression hardened. "I don't think he'll care."

"He should be told, don't you think?"

"Alex, to be honest, I'm not sure I know how to get in touch with him," he said wearily.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't be. I'm going to go talk to my mom's doctors. I'll be back." With that he left her sitting alone in the cafeteria. She watched him walk away with a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Author's note: The next chapter will probably be mostly a transitional chapter. I hope to finish the first draft by tonight. As always, reviews are appreciated. You all have made me so happy with the reviews for this story so far. Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: **I swear the next story I write is going to involve rainbows and bunnies and fluff and happiness.** Sorry for the outburst, the angst is getting to me a little. I really like this story … its just, when I get into the heads of the characters I get sad.

Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns. I borrow. I play nice. No one sues me. Right? Right.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 4 

The first person Alex called was not Danny Ross but Jimmy Deakins. He was outside but his wife Angie answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Angie, hi. This is Alex Eames."

"Oh, hi Alex. Happy Thanksgiving," said Angie. "How are you?"

"I'm all right," said Alex. "But I wanted to let Captain Deakins know that Bobby's mom passed away this morning."

"Oh no. How's he doing?"

"He's taking it pretty hard. She was all he had. I'm up at Carmel Ridge with him."

"When is the service?" asked Angie.

"I'm not sure yet," said Alex. "Bobby is making arrangements for her now."

"Please call us and let us know. We'll be there. Tell Bobby to call us if he needs anything."

"I will. Thank you, Angie."

When she hung up the phone she took a deep breath and called her current captain.

"Ross," he answered. He sounded none too thrilled to be disturbed on the holiday.

"Captain, this is Alex Eames. I called to tell you that Bobby's mother died this morning."

"That's awful," he said sympathetically. "Thank you for calling me. How's he taking it?"

"Hard. But he'll be okay. I'm with him now."

"If either of you need anything, let me know."

"We might need a few days off, sir. I'm not sure when the service will be, if there is one."

"I understand Bobby needing some time off," said Ross. "But I should be curious why you also need time off."

She missed the slight trace of humor in his voice. Pursing her lips in irritation, she sighed. "I'm not going to leave Bobby alone. He doesn't have anybody else."

"I'll see you both a week from Monday," he said, surprising her.

"Thank you," she said in disbelief.

"Don't sound so shocked, Eames. I find your devotion to Goren admirable. And I know he is equally devoted to you. Let me know when the service is, okay?"

"I will," she said, still a little off balance. "Goodbye."

xxx

"Mr. Goren, we have all of your mother's paperwork right here," said the nurse. "Would you like to see her?"

Bobby looked apprehensive. "They haven't taken her brain yet?" he asked.

"No. The research team will be by tomorrow to do that," she told him gently. "For now she's in the morgue. After the operation we'll contact the crematory."

Goren wrung his hands. He and his mother had talked about this. It was all preplanned. She wanted her brain to go for research on schizophrenia. And she wanted to be cremated, her ashes scattered beside the turtle pond next to Belvedere Castle in Central Park. Bobby made a decision.

"I-I would like to see her," he said softly. The nurse led him toward the morgue. There was going to be a service at the chapel there at Carmel Ridge. They'd preplanned that, too. Francis Goren had had friends at the center and among the staff. Tuesday at noon.

The nurse pulled back the sheet that covered his mother's face. Her eyes were closed and her skin was so pale. The nurse patted his arm. "I'll give you some time alone with her," she said. "The forms will be at the nurse's station for you to sign."

"Thank you," said Bobby. And then he was alone.

He stared pensively at his mother's lifeless form. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should have been here to hold your hand. I didn't want you to be alone."

He pulled up a chair to sit beside her in the chilled room. For the second time in as many hours, Bobby Goren cried. He buried his face in his hands. This time there was no Alex to hold him. He couldn't remember ever feeling so alone.

A short time later, when his tears had subsided, he put the chair back where it went. Slowly he reached out to caress his mother's face. Then he stroked her hair. He bent low to kiss her forehead. With agonizing slowness he replaced the sheet. Then without a backward glance he left the room.

Author's note: Thanks for reading. This chapter came easier than the last one. Reviews are always nice. Thanks again for all the encouragement you've given me for this story.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Here's chapter 5. I have jokingly titled it "Phone Tag" in my head.

Disclaimer: I don't own. Please don't sue. I'm certainly not making any money on this.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 5 

As soon as she had hung up the phone with Captain Danny Ross, Alex's cell phone rang. "Eames," she answered.

"Me, too," said her brother, Sam.

"Hi. What's up?" asked Alex.

"Mom wants me to tell you to bring Bobby here when you come back from Carmel Ridge," said Sam. "She wants to fuss over him."

Alex heard rustlings like two people were struggling for the phone and then her mother came on the line. "I'm not going to make a fuss," she said. "I just want to show him life goes on and that he still has a family. That's important with this kind of tragedy."

"I'm not sure if Bobby's going to feel like doing that tonight," said Alex.

"Ask him. You might be surprised," said Annette.

"He's making final arrangements for his mother right now," said Alex. "When he comes back I'll ask him. But I'm not making any promises."

"Stop by to pick up leftovers anyway," said her mother. "Even Bobby has to eat."

"Okay, Mom," said Alex. "I'll try." She sighed and hung up the phone with her mother.

After a moment of pondering exactly how Bobby would react to her mother's idea she dialed Lewis' number.

"Hi Lewis," she said when he answered the phone.

"Detective Alex? What a nice surprise. Happy Thanksgiving. How are you?"

"I'm okay. Listen, I have some bad news."

"Is Bobby all right? He's not hurt or something is he?" Lewis sounded anxious.

Alex realized how this must seem to him, getting a bad news call from his best friend's partner. "Oh, no, no. Bobby's not hurt. I was calling to tell you his mom died this morning."

"Damn. How's he doing?"

"He's taking it pretty hard."

"I'm not surprised," said Lewis.

"I'm with him up at Carmel Ridge. He's making arrangements and I'm making calls," said Alex.

"I'm glad you're there. He'll probably never tell you how much it means to him, but you have to know."

"I know," she assured him.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Actually, yeah. Do you have a key to his apartment?"

"Yes."

"Could you go pack him some clothes? He doesn't know it yet, but he's coming home with me."

"Sure. Where should I take them?" he asked.

She gave him directions to her parents' house in Queens. "We have to stop by there for a minute on the way back," she said. She thought for a moment before she asked what she was about to. "Lewis?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have contact information for Bobby's brother?"

"Um… nothing current," said Lewis.

"What's his name?"

"Richard Goren, Jr.," he said. "Listen, Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"Bobby may not want him to be there. You know, at the funeral."

"Don't you think Richard should know his mother just died?" asked Alex.

"I do. But he and Bobby are like oil and water."

"I just want to tell him."

"Okay," said Lewis. "But if he decides he's coming, let me tell Bobby."

xxx

"Logan," said Mike, answering his phone.

"Hey, Mike," said Alex. "I need you to try to get me contact information for Richard Goren Jr."

"Any relation to your partner?" Mike asked jovially.

"His brother."

"You just had to call in and give me work to do since I'm working the holiday, didn't you," said Mike.

"Mike, Bobby's mom died this morning."

"Shit. That sucks. How's he doing?"

"He's keeping it together," said Alex. "I'm with him out at Carmel Ridge."

"I'm glad you're there. I'll see what I can find out on Richard Goren Jr. and get back to you."

"Thanks."

"Hey, no problem. You call me if you guys need anything, Alex."

"Will do. Thanks again, Mike."

As soon as he got off the phone Mike did a search for Richard Goren. While the computer was working its magic he dialed his old partner, Carolyn Barek.

"Hello," she answered.

"Hey, Caro," said Mike.

"Don't call me that," she said. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"For some," he said. "I'm working the holiday."

"Poor you," she said, bordering on the sarcastic.

"Poor Bobby," Mike countered.

"What? Is he working with you?" she asked.

"No, his mom died this morning."

"That's awful."

"Yeah. So I thought we should do something nice for him. And I thought we could do it together… since you miss me so much."

"I never said…" she began. "Oh."

"Oh, what?"

She smiled to herself even though he couldn't see it. "I miss you, too, Mike."

Author's Note: Turns out this was the transition chapter. I'm sorry if it was monotonous. This story is going to be longer than I originally planned. As I warned before, updates will grow sporadic in November (National Novel Writing Month). This story will be what I do when I'm procrastinating on my novel. (Which means updates could actually get more frequent.)


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: I like this chapter. I hope you do too.

Disclaimer: Property of Dick Wolf, et al. Borrowed by me.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 6 

"How'd it go?" Alex asked, standing up to greet her partner.

"Not bad," said Bobby.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked.

Bobby looked around at the nearly deserted cafeteria. It was just after 6pm on Thanksgiving Day and most of the holiday visitors had gone home. "Yeah. I'm ready."

She handed him his coat and donned her own. "My mom wants me to bring you to my parents' house. I told her you probably weren't in the mood to be fussed over, but she insisted I ask."

"No, it's okay," said Bobby. "We can go see your family."

Alex hadn't even realized how anxious she'd been. Or how much she wanted to go back to see her family. "Really?"

Bobby smiled at her. "I wouldn't want to deprive your mother of her fun," he said.

Alex laughed. "She'll be thrilled."

They walked out of the center and got into her borrowed car. "Are you hungry?" she asked him. "Mom packed turkey sandwiches before I left."

"No, thank you," he said, gazing out the passenger side window at the emerging stars.

Alex pulled out one of the sandwiches and ate it once she'd set the cruise control. "Captain Deakins and Angie said you are to call them if you need anything," she said when she'd swallowed the last bite. "So did Mike Logan."

Bobby looked sideways at her for a moment. "You called them?"

"They care about you, Bobby," she said.

"Who else did you call?"

"Captain Ross. And Lewis."

"Thank you for taking care of that," he said a little stiffly.

"The Captain gave us a week off," she said. "We don't have to report until a week from Monday."

Bobby cocked his head as he looked at her. "You… you don't have to waste your vacation time on me," he said, clearly surprised.

"I know I don't _have_ to," she said. "I want to. Besides, it's not a waste. I was hoping… maybe… how do you feel about staying at my house for a few days?" She stared determinedly ahead at the road, unable to chance a quick glance at his reaction to her question. _Was it too much?_

Bobby was silent.

"No impropriety implied, of course," she added hastily. "I have a spare room."

Bobby was silent for so long she had to finally look at him. Bobby was smiling slightly, his head cocked in wonder at her. He bit his lip, uncomfortable now that she was staring back at him. "Well, say something," she said, breaking the silence. She was hitching her jaw to the side nervously and dragging her teeth along her lower lip.

"You really worry about me, don't you?" he said after a moment.

Alex let out a breath. "You're my partner. Of course I worry about you."

"No," he said. "No, it's more than that. I've had plenty of partners that wouldn't have come here today. And only one that would."

"I was raised in a family of cops," she said. "Partners are like blood. Besides, I told you I want to be part of your support system. I meant that. Is it really so surprising that I'd want to take care of you while you're going through this?"

Bobby shifted his gaze downwards. He scuffed his feet together on the floorboard of the car. "Y-yes, i-it is," he said finally, meeting her eyes for the briefest of seconds before shifting his uncomfortable gaze to the floor once more.

And with that simple answer her heart broke for him.

Then her temper took over. "Well, it shouldn't be," she said forcefully. "You and me, Bobby, we take care of each other. And that is just the way it is."

If he'd been surprised before, he was floored now. She'd pole-axed him. Tenderly. And the look on her face dared him to challenge her statement. "Okay," he said, softly.

"Okay what?" she asked, confused.

"Okay, I'd like to stay at your house," he said.

She laughed. The tension finally broke and she laughed like he'd just told her the best joke in the world.

"What's so funny?"

"I was so afraid I'd push you away by asking you," she managed to choke out between her giggles.

He wasn't sure why this was funny. And he wished she'd let him in on the joke. He told her so.

"I'm glad you're going to come stay with me," she said, finally calming down.

"I am, too," he said, smiling a little.

Author's Note: Eames always struck me as the type of person who might laugh to blow off nervous tension. As always, reviews make me really happy. And, a happy author writes more don't ya know?


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: And the plot thickens…

Disclaimer: No profit. Poor college student. Characters belong to Dick Wolf. You know the drill.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 7 

**8:30 pm Thanksgiving Day**

"Well, here we are," said Alex. They were pulling up to her parents' house. The snow had stopped for the moment.

Sam came outside carrying a sleepy, fussy Caleb in his arms. "The munchkin was refusing to go to sleep until you got back," said Sam, handing the two and a half year old to Alex when she got out of the car.

"Hi there, little man," said Alex, bouncing the child in her arms. "Why aren't you at home, asleep? Its past your bedtime."

"He's staying with Grandma and Grandpa tonight because Lizzie is crazy enough to hit those 5am sales on Black Friday," said Sam. "And once he heard you were coming back, he didn't want to settle down until you got here."

"Boy, has he gotten big," said Bobby, coming around the car to stand beside her. "Hi, Caleb."

Caleb buried his head in Alex's shoulder, shy and cranky with the hour. Bobby smiled. Sam held his hand out to Bobby. "Hey, Sam," said Bobby, shaking his hand.

"I'm sorry about your mom, man," said Sam. Bobby nodded in thanks.

"Sam," Annette Eames called from the doorway. "You and Caleb let them get inside."

"Who all is still here?" Alex asked her brother, heading for the porch with her nephew.

"Ted and Janet are trying to put the girls to bed upstairs. They are going back to Pennsylvania tomorrow. Lizzie and Justin went home, but the munchkin's still here, obviously," said Sam.

Just then there was a commotion at the door. "Uncle Bobby," shouted Cassie, Ted and Janet's oldest daughter. The little girl ran down the porch steps in her 'My Little Pony' footie-pajamas and launched herself into Bobby's arms. "You came after all. Happy Thanksgiving!" She threw her arms around his neck.

"Hi, Cassie," Bobby said, almost shyly. The little girl's fondness for him was a new experience. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Cassandra Eames," Ted called from the porch. He was carrying his five-year-old daughter, Sarah. "I said you could come tell Uncle Bobby goodnight, not attack him."

"She's all right," said Bobby. He reached the porch with the girl in his arms and shook Ted's hand.

"My condolences, Bobby," said Ted.

"Thank you," said Bobby.

Sarah reached for Bobby from her father's arms. Bobby adjusted Cassie to one arm and held the other out for Sarah. She climbed into his arms. Bobby hugged the girls goodnight. "All right," said Ted. "Let Uncle Bobby go inside. It's past your bed time."

Bobby set them on their feet and ruffled their hair, sending them off with their father.

"Aren't you popular," Alex teased gently at Bobby's side. Bobby chuckled softly.

They made it inside to the living room. Bobby looked from Annette Eames to her husband, to his old captain, to his best friend Lewis and stopped in his tracks.

"Good lord, is this an intervention?" Alex snarked, surprised to see Captain Deakins and Lewis.

Bobby laughed.

"Well, if you can laugh, I guess you'll be okay," said Lewis, getting to his feet and pulling Bobby into a hug.

"What are you doing here, man?" Bobby asked, hugging his friend.

"Alex asked me to bring you some clothes," said Lewis. "And then her mom invited me to stay if I wanted to see you. I did, so…"

Bobby gave him a small smile. "Thanks." He looked sideways at Alex.

"I'm going to go put Caleb to bed," said Alex, quickly making her exit.

Deakins stood up and put a hand on Bobby's shoulder. "It's good to see you, Captain," said Bobby.

"Bobby, please call me Jimmy. I'm not your CO anymore," said Deakins. "How are you doing?"

"I'm… I don't know," said Bobby. "I don't think it has really sunk in, yet. I'm… I'm going to stay with Alex for a few days while I sort out how I'm doing."

"If you need anything, call me," said Jimmy. "I mean it, Bobby. And Angie wants you and Alex to come to dinner sometime next week."

"Okay," said Bobby. "Thank you."

Johnny Eames patted Bobby's other shoulder. "The same goes for me and Annie. You let us know if you need anything. You're a part of our family, you know."

Bobby could hardly think of what to say. "Thank you, sir," he choked out.

"All right, back off," said Annette Eames. "Give the boy some room. Bobby, are you hungry?"

"Not really," he said, turning to face her.

"Let me rephrase," she said in a tone he had always thought was unique to Alex. "Have you eaten today?"

Bobby thought about lying, but given Alex's perceptiveness he feared her mother would be able to tell. "No ma'am."

"Come on, let me fix you a plate," she said, leading him to the dinning room. She bustled him into a chair and disappeared into the kitchen.

When she set the steaming plate of food in front of him he felt his stomach growl. _Maybe I am hungry after all_. "Thank you," he said, and dug in.

xxx

Alex had just gotten Caleb to sleep when her phone rang. She managed to answer it before it could wake the sleeping child. "Eames."

"Hi, Alex. It's Mike."

"Hey. You got something for me?"

"Yeah. Sit down. Richard Goren Jr. is doing time… in Rikers."


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: This story has a life of its own. As predicted, it's distracting me from my Nano. Oh well. I can only write what the muse gives me.

Disclaimer: Today's chapter is brought to you by the letter "F." As in "fan" and "fiction" but also as in "forgiving" and not suing. If you have a problem with the letter "F" I suggest you contact "The Special Letter's Unit."

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 8 

"Please tell me this is a joke," said Alex.

"I wish. He's serving eight to ten on a massive embezzlement charge," said Mike. "He went in last year. On the upside, it's medium security. Not a violent crime."

"Great," Alex muttered darkly.

"Would you like me to arrange a meeting for you tomorrow?" asked Mike.

"Yeah, okay. That'll be good. Thanks for calling me."

"Do you think Bobby knows?" asked Mike.

"I don't think so. I mean I'd like to say I'm sure he would have told me if he knew, but I don't know," she said. "I don't think they've spoken in like fifteen years."

"I'll call you once I get you that meeting," said Mike.

"Thanks, Mike," she said.

She hung up the phone. _Damn. Damn damn damn damn_.

xxx

"So you knew I would agree ahead of time and you had Lewis pack me a bag," said Bobby, slipping into the room where Alex was watching Caleb sleep.

Alex looked up at him through a curtain of her hair, a small smile playing at her lips. "I didn't _know_," she said. "But I hoped really hard."

He sat down on the floor beside her chair. She ran a hand through his curls absently. "Are you hiding from my family?"

"No, I was just looking for you," he said. "Are _you_ hiding from your family?"

She smiled. "No. Just watching Caleb sleep for a minute."

"He's beautiful," Bobby said softly.

"Yes he is," she murmured. "Do you want to head back to my place?"

"I'm ready when you are," he said. "But I'm not in any hurry."

"Is Captain Deakins still here?" she asked.

"No. I get the feeling he and Lewis were just here to make sure I wasn't planning to off myself," he said. "But we are under orders to go have dinner with him and Angie next week. And I'm supposed to get used to calling him Jimmy."

Alex chuckled. "That'll be the day."

"Your dad called me part of the family," Bobby said shyly.

She stroked his hair again. "You are, Bobby."

"That means a lot to me," he said.

"I'm going to go tell Mom we're going to go," said Alex. "So she can prepare to laden us with food before we leave."

Bobby chucked softly. "I'll come with you."

xxx

Bobby was awake, of that Alex was certain as she crept down the hall toward her living room. She peered around the corner and found him staring dully at an infomercial on TV, a tumbler of scotch in his hand.

"You couldn't sleep?" she asked gently.

He looked her way for a moment. A haunted expression over took his features and he resumed watching the infomercial for an exercise program called "Yoga Booty Ballet."

She watched him for several minutes before going to sit beside him on the couch. Bobby took a sip of his drink, grimacing as the liquor burned his throat. The volume on the TV was so low it was almost on mute. The clock on the mantle seemed to be ticking so loud.

"Are you all right?" Alex asked after an achingly slow moment.

Bobby was silent, staring straight ahead. She leaned around to catch his eyes. "What's wrong? Talk to me, Bobby."

He looked pained. He shifted to avoid her eyes. He moistened his lips. "Do you love me?" he asked softly.

Alex sat back, shocked. "Are you drunk?" she asked, characteristic sarcasm bubbling to the surface as a defense.

Bobby ignored the sarcasm. "No. I'm not," he said, setting the tumbler on the coffee table. "Do you love me?"

Alex wrung her hands. "Yes, she said at last, chewing on the inside of her cheek nervously. "I do. You're like one of my brothers," she finished more confidently.

Bobby suspected she wasn't being entirely truthful with her analogy, but that wasn't the point so he let it slide. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'Why?'!"

"I don't understand."

"You know more about human nature than anybody I've ever met," she said. "What do you mean you don't understand?"

"I don't understand how you could waste your love and compassion on me," he murmured.

There were tears in her eyes. "You can't waste love, Bobby. How can you say that?"

"She died and I-I feel relieved. How can you love someone who feels relief at the death of his own mother?"

Author's Note: Reviews make me happy, even if all the angst in my story depresses me. And for the record, I did not make up "Yoga Booty Ballet."


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: This chapter totally kicked my ass. It took me forever to get it right. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Dick Wolf's. No money. Don't sue.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 9 

"She died and I feel relieved. How can you love someone who feels relief at the death of his own mother?"

Understanding dawned on Alex's face. "Oh, Bobby," she breathed, her voice raw with emotion. She put her hands on his face, forcing him to look at her. "There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean you love her any less."

"It feels wrong," he said, struggling to pull away.

She held on. "Talk to me, Bobby. Tell me what you're feeling."

"I don't … I can't … I don't know," he mumbled, still trying to hide his face. He felt so ashamed.

"You've taken care of your mother since you were a little boy," said Alex. "You were a good son. I know she thought so."

He broke free of her grasp and began to pace.

"She's free, now," he said. "From her pain, and her mind. She's at peace." His words sounded rational but it was like he was trying to convince himself, a look of turmoil on his face.

"Yes she is," Alex agreed. "She's free, Bobby, and so are you. Taking care of her was a big responsibility and you shouldered it so young."

"I miss her," he said softly, his voice breaking. "I talked to her every day."

"I know," said Alex, rising and gently pulling him back to the couch. She stroked his stubbly cheek.

"Why do I feel so messed up?" he cried, tears flowing down his face.

"This is a huge change in your life," she said soothingly. "Taking care of your mother has always been important to you. Now that you don't have to do it anymore, you're going to feel different. And I know you know it, in your head. It's okay to feel how you feel. I'd be more worried if you didn't feel some relief."

He buried his face in his hands. "It's scary. Like what if I completely missed out on life, waiting for her to die. I don't want to have been waiting for her to die. I don't want to resent her like that."

"I don't think that you do," said Alex. "Your emotions are running high, right now. And there's no denying life dealt you a shitty hand, Bobby. I can't imagine growing up in your shoes. Its okay to admit it was tough, and that it might get better or that you at least have less responsibility, now. But you loved your mother."

"She was the best thing in my life for so long," said Bobby. "And the worst."

"You always did right by her, Bobby. She knew how much you loved her," said Alex. "Your mother was a smart lady. She knew it was hard on you, too."

"What am I going to do with out her? It's nice to be needed. To be loved and wanted even in such a fractured way."

Alex wrapped her arms around him. "You're going to get through this. I love you, and even if in your wildest self-doubts you think I'm wasting my love, I'll go right on loving you just the same. There is more to your life than your mother. I know the world seems broken right now, but it will get better."

"What good deed did I do to deserve you?" Bobby whispered.

She smiled. "You're just you. Come on, I'll tuck you in." She tugged him up from the couch, steering him toward the spare bedroom.

"Alex, could I…" he stopped.

"Yeah, Bobby?"

He bit his lip. "Never mind."

She studied the emotions flitting across his features. "You don't want to be alone," she said. It wasn't a question. She headed for her own room, her big partner in tow.

He pulled up short. "I can't ask to sleep in your bed," he said.

"You didn't," she said, giving him a firm tug toward her room. "I'll make you a deal, Bobby. I still get nightmares. You be my teddy bear, I'll be yours."

The fight went out of him. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"Bobby, I'm sleepy. Can we go to bed, now?"

"Okay," he said, still confused as hell.

She curled up on one side of her bed and he lay down on the other. When he didn't move closer to her after a minute, she scooted over to him. Wrapping one arm across his broad chest she sighed contently. "Good night, Bobby."

Author's Note: So it's a little shippy. In a weird, indirect way. But they're weird. So it works. And it could still just be construed as Alex looking out for him, as per usual. Reviews always make me happy. You want me to be happy, right?


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: This chapter is a little short, but I had to end it where I did. You'll see. And the plot positively curdles …

Disclaimer: I don't own them. The show would be very strange if I did.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 10 

Alex woke the next morning spooned with Bobby at her back, his arm around her middle. _I could get used to this_, she thought. _I won't. But I could._

Her cell phone was beeping. She grabbed it and silenced it. Bobby didn't stir. She had a message. She dialed her voicemail.

"Hi Alex, it's Mike. I got you an appointment at Rikers. 11am. Cellblock AA23. Let me know how it goes. Later."

She checked the time. 9:15am. She wiggled out from under Bobby's arm and went to take a quick shower.

When she returned he was still asleep. She left him a note, suggesting he might like to take a warm bubble bath in the over sized tub in the master bathroom and assuring him she'd return shortly, and left.

xxx

She made it to Riker's Island by 10:45am. A guard escorted her to the medium security wing.

"So you're my brother's partner," said Richard Goren. "You're too cute to be a cop."

"Uh huh, but I'm too tough to be anything else," she said, holding out her hand for him to shake. He did so amicably. They sat at the table in the conference room. He wasn't as big as Bobby, but his features were similar. He was wiry with a thinner face. His eyes, though, were almost identical.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"I… I came to tell you… I have some bad news."

He sobered. "I'm listening."

"Your mother died yesterday morning."

He frowned. "Did she suffer?" he asked softly.

"She had cancer. But she went peacefully," said Alex.

"Is Bobby taking it okay?" asked Richard, sounding genuinely concerned.

"He's working through it."

"Why didn't he come to tell me?"

"Bobby doesn't know I'm here," she said. "Come to think of it, I don't think Bobby knows you're here."

"I guess maybe not. He did send back my letter unopened."

"Look, I don't know what's between you guys, and I don't want to be in the middle of it. I just thought you should know about your mom," said Alex.

"Thank you."

She got up to go. "Please wait," he said. She stopped. He held a picture out to her. "I haven't spoken to my brother in 18 years. I know it's my fault, just like it's my fault I'm in here. But it ain't her fault."

Alex took the picture and looked at it. It was of a little girl with long brown hair and familiar cocoa brown eyes. Alex sat back down. "Who is she?"

"That's Ivy. She's my little girl. Just turned 11 last month."

"She's beautiful."

"And smart as anything. Reminds me of Bobby. That's why I wrote to him. Aside from wanting to make amends. Her mom died when she was four, so her custody reverted to me. I tried to do right by her, and we did all right, but now I'm in here. She's in foster care. I was hoping Bobby might look in on her from time to time."

"I don't know," said Alex. _This was news_. She wasn't sure how Bobby would react. She wasn't sure she'd been planning on telling him about her little visit to Rikers.

"I'm not asking for anything for me. I got myself into this mess, gambling and stealing money from my company to feed my habit. But Ivy is a good girl. Bobby doesn't even know about her," Richard said.

"Look, he's going to be pissed at me for even looking for you, much less visiting you," said Alex, already caving in.

"Please, Ms. Eames. Just give him the picture and the letter he sent back to me," said Richard. He passed her a sealed envelope. "And please tell him I'm sorry I wasn't a better big brother. When I get out, I'll try to make it up to him."

Eames sighed. "All right. I'll tell him."

Author's Note: Bet you weren't expecting that…


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: Ah, distractions. Good for you, bad for my nano novel.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Dick Wolf, et al. I am borrowing.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 11 

Alex flopped down on her bed when she returned home. She could here the water running in the master bath. Good. That bought her some time to think. She dialed Lewis's number. "Hi, Lewis. Is it all right if I come over for a few minutes?" she asked.

"You're always welcome. How's Bobby?"

"Complicated. I'll be there in ten." She hung up the phone and quietly headed back out to her car.

xxx

"Hi, Alex," Lewis said as she came into his garage. "What's up?"

"Bobby is going to be so pissed at me," she began sullenly. "I found Richard."

"Where is he?" asked Lewis, wiping his greasy hands on a rag and coming out from behind an old mustang.

"He's at Rikers. For embezzlement."

"Shit."

"Yeah. So I went to see him," she said.

Lewis's eyes widened. "How did that go?"

"He wasn't what I expected. He seems genuinely remorseful for the ill will with Bobby."

"Yeah, well, he was an asshole."

"And he has a kid," said Alex. "Her name is Ivy. She's 11 and in foster care. Bobby doesn't even know about her."

Lewis let out a low whistle.

"So, any advice on telling my partner I went to see his brother?" asked Alex.

"Yeah. Don't."

"But what about Ivy? Don't you think he'd want to know about his niece?"

"Good luck, Alex. I really don't know what to tell you. Richard is just a subject I don't bring up."

"Thanks, anyway, Lewis," she said, heading for the exit.

"Sorry I couldn't help." As an afterthought he added, " I'll tell him if you want."

"No, I'll do it. I appreciate the offer."

xxx

"Oh, good, you're back," said Bobby. He was heating up leftovers in the kitchen. "Lunch will be ready in a minute."

"Sounds good," she said.

"So where did you run off to this morning? I thought for a second I'd gotten too cuddly during the night and you'd made a break for it," he said, taking a plate out of the microwave and replacing it with another.

"Not hardly. I had a meeting. Mike called to remind me," she said.

"At work?"

"I'll finish lunch. You go have a seat."

"I've got it," said Bobby. "What'd you have to do at 1PP the day after Thanksgiving?"

"I didn't say I went to work. We'll talk about it once we sit down to lunch," said Alex, looking anywhere but Bobby.

"Okay," he said, confused. He took the second plate out of the microwave and handed it to her. "Let's eat."

They sat across from each other at her kitchen table. An uncomfortable silence stretched between them.

"I went to Riker's this morning," Alex said finally, looking at him to gauge his reaction.

"You went to see Richard," Bobby said stiffly.

"You knew he was there?"

"I figured. He sent me a letter with that return address. I sent it back."

"He's sorry about your mom. He asked how you were."

"Look, Alex. I really don't care what he had to say. I wish you hadn't gone," he said.

"I knew you'd be angry," she said, stabbing a piece of turkey with her fork.

"Then why did you do it?" he asked coldly. He set his fork down and got up from the table.

"I thought he needed to know," she said. "And he told me some things that you need to know, so please sit down and listen."

"I said I don't care what he had to say," said Bobby. He headed for the door, grabbing his coat on the way.

"Bobby, wait!"

"You really shouldn't have done that," Bobby said evenly. He opened the door.

"You can't just run away!" Alex called after him.

"Watch me!" he shouted back, shutting the door.

Alex ran to the window in time to see him jog down the street in the direction of the subway. She sighed heavily. That hadn't gone well at all.

Author's Note: Storm's a brew'n. As always, reviews are nice and they help keep me distracted. I even looked at a map to make sure subway lines ran to Rockaway Beach (Where Eames lives). Talk about distracted.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: This chapter was surprisingly fun to write. Prepare for a few fireworks. I really hope you like it. And I don't say this enough. You guys rock. This fandom really is such a great community of writers and readers. I am greatful for every single review. They mean a lot to me. And its so amazing to know that writers whose work I read and think are awesome also read my work. Thank you all for how well this story has been recieved. You rock!!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I borrowed them. Please don't sue me. I didn't make any money.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 12 

"Bobby, if you're there, please answer the phone," Alex said on his home answering machine. He stared at it dully, waiting for her to give up and hang up. He heard the tell tale click. That was her fourth message on the machine. His cell phone beeped. Message eight there. He hadn't checked them.

He sighed.

The phone rang again. He let it go to voice mail. "Last chance, Bobby. Pick up," she said. "Okay, fine." Click.

He heard rustling and then a key turning. She came into his apartment cautiously. "Bobby, are you here?"

He was silent. The only light was coming from the street outside. She turned on the overhead light and was startled to see him sitting on the couch. "Oh, thank god," she said, breathing deeply. "You've never ducked my calls before. I was starting to worry about you."

"I don't want to talk," he said.

"I noticed. Now that I'm not worried about your safety, I'll go." She turned to leave.

"I know they pay you to keep an eye on me. But tell me, do you get overtime for this? Hazard pay for all the 'I love you's?"

She stiffened. She turned around slowly, positively livid. "You take that back!" she hissed through clenched teeth.

"What? No joke? No deflective witticism?" he growled, standing up.

"Don't make me hit you. You get one free shot because you're having a crappy week. Next time you say something like that to me you'll be in the unique position to know if my right hook is a good as everyone says it is."

"Oh, now there's the snark I know and love," he said sarcastically.

She seethed, her fists clenching. "I'm really going to punch you if you keep it up," she warned, angrily.

Bobby got right up in her face. "Bring it on."

He was asking for it. She figured everyone who knew them would buy that defense. Carver could probably help get her off on a technicality. Hell, he'd probably buy her a beer. Eames punched her partner in the nose.

"Ow! Shit!" Bobby yelped, stumbling back. He stared at her in shock, blood dripping from his nose. He put a hand over his injured face. "Damn. I think you might have broken my nose."

Eames was shaking. "I… I shouldn't have done that," she said, staring at the floor. She sniffed. "I'm going home." She turned toward the door, moving quickly.

"Eames, wait!" he called, still holding his gushing nose. He looked at her plaintively.

"No, Bobby. I get it. You want me to lash out at you. It helps you feel better about your little display of temper this afternoon and about the guilt you still harbor about your mother," said Alex. She looked up at him, blinking back tears.

"But I don't want to lash out at you," she continued. "I don't like who I was or how I felt when I hit you. I'm going home." Tears were spilling from her eyes now. She'd never looked at him that way before. She turned away from him. And then she was gone.

Bobby stared blankly at his closed apartment door, his throbbing nose momentarily forgotten. As awareness of the pain came back to him his anger rose. _Well, fuck her, then._

He stalked off to his bathroom to clean up the damage her fist had wrought. He grabbed a washcloth and wet it, cleaning his face to survey the damage. _Probably not broken. Damn, she has a mean right hook._

He flashed back to the look she'd given him before she left. Like he'd broken something inside of her. Bobby stared at himself in the mirror. He put his fist through his reflected face and buried it a few inches into the drywall.

He pulled his bloody hand back roughly. _What have I done?_

He ransacked his bathroom before crumpling to the floor and giving in to his tears.

Author's note::heaves a heavy sigh:: Well, folks, I believe this is rock bottom. It can only get brighter from here. I hope.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note: This chapter was tough. I had to rewrite it twice to be satisfied with it. But I'm pleased with it now. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Property of Dick Wolf, borrowed by me. Please don't sue.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 13 

Alex stopped when she got outside of Bobby's apartment. She leaned heavily against the wall and sank to the floor. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks and she couldn't stop them. She drew her knees up to her chest and buried her head in her arms, sobbing quietly. It was almost 9:30 pm. No one was in the hallway to see her lonely breakdown.

She knew she should be stronger than this. _How could he say that?_ She wept her heart out, ashamed of her tears. When did she give Bobby the power to hurt her like this, she wondered idly.

She heard a crash from inside his apartment and the sound of breaking glass. It was enough to snap her out of her reverie. She heard a few more crashes, then silence. She fought her mounting curiosity. _Fuck you, Bobby_, she thought when she couldn't shake the worry that he was hurt. She stood shakily and headed for the elevator. The worry continued to nag her.

Alex covered her face with her hand. _Am I really this pathetic?_ She went back to his apartment and unlocked the door.

"Bobby, are you all right?" she called tentatively as she opened the door. No answer and no sign of her partner. She moved down his hallway and saw light pouring from the bathroom door. "Bobby?" She peered inside.

The bathroom looked like a tornado had hit it. The mirror was broken, pieces of glass all over the floor. There was blood everywhere. In the midst of the chaos sat Bobby. He was sitting on the floor against the tub, cradling his left hand to his chest and crying softly. He didn't look up as she entered. She knelt down beside him. _What a pair of broken toys we make,_ she thought.

"Bobby," she said gently. "Let me see your hand."

He gave her a stricken look. "You came back?"

"Yeah, I came back," she said. She reached for his bloody hand. "Idiot. What have you done to yourself?" He winced when she touched him. She was exceedingly gentle as she examined his hand.

"Okay, get up. I'll drive you to the ER," she said, getting to her feet. "You need stitches at the very least. That's if you didn't break your hand."

"Leave me be," he murmured sulkily.

"Not a chance," she said. "You either come with me or I go call a bus."

He struggled to his feet. He gazed at her as if he barely believed she was there. "Alex … I'm sorry," he said.

"I know. Me, too," she said, reaching out to touch his bruised face. "Come on, let's get you to the ER."

He went with her willingly, though he didn't say a word on the drive to Cabrini Medical Center, the nearest hospital to his apartment in the East Village. A nurse showed them to a curtained off area to wait for a doctor. She looked between them, taking in Alex's hand, bruised from the impact with Bobby's face, and the tear stains on her face. She looked over Bobby's injuries. "A social worker will be by momentarily to talk with you, Mr. and Mrs. Goren," she said.

She looked shocked when Eames laughed. "We're partners on the police force," she said. "We're not married."

"Oh," said the nurse, very surprised. "I'm sorry I assumed."

Alex sat with Bobby the whole time while he got x-rayed and stitched and bandaged. He had to get several stitches in his hand and he had broken a knuckle. But his hand wasn't broken and neither was his nose, much to Eames' relief. They got out of the ER around 2am.

As they were leaving the hospital she put her hand on his arm. "Will you come back home with me? Your toothbrush is there. I'm sorry I meddled," she said.

"You have no reason to apologize," he said. "If you still want me as a house guest, then I'll go home with you." They continued toward the car.

"Of course I still want you to be there," she said. "I wouldn't have asked, otherwise." She paused. "Look, Bobby. When I say that I love you, I mean it. It's not lip service. Tell me you know that."

He brought her up short and turned to face her. "I should never have said what I did, Alex. I am so sorry."

"I'm not looking for an apology," she said. "We're fine. Just tell me you know it. That's what's important to me."

"I know." He pulled her into a hug. "I know I don't deserve you."

They parted and continued toward the car. He caught her left hand in his right and held it loosely as they walked. He expected her to pull away. He could tell he hadn't fully undone the damage of his words. She squeezed his hand. "I'm irked Bobby, but I'm not going anywhere," she said, as if she was reading his mind.

Bobby was silent for a while on the ride back to Alex's house. "Was he polite to you?" he asked, tentatively.

"Huh?"

"My brother. Was he polite to you?"

"Oh. Yes, he was."

"What was it you wanted to tell me?"


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: This chapter flowed well. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. No money.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter: 14 

Alex reached into her pocket and pulled out the picture of Ivy along with the sealed letter. She passed them to her partner.

Bobby looked at the picture very closely. "She looks like my mother," he said softly. "This letter. He wanted to tell me about her. H-his little girl?"

"Her name is Ivy," said Alex. "She just turned eleven."

Bobby bit his lip. "I should have read the letter," he said.

"So read it," she said. "He begged me to give it back to you and to bring you her picture."

Bobby opened the letter and began to read it silently.

_Dear Bobby,_

_I'm sorry for the bad blood between us. I know that seems stupid, coming from me now. Especially since I'm in prison. I screwed up, Bobby. I screwed up a lot. I would like to reconcile with you if you give me the chance. But even if you won't, and I don't really deserve the chance anyway, I need to tell you something._

_I have a little girl. Her name is Ivy. She's ten years old. She came to live with me when she was four, when her mom died. She's a really good girl, Bobby. And she's so smart. She reminds me of you. She's in foster care now. I miss her so much. I tried to do right by her. She's the only thing I didn't mess up._

_I'm not asking you to take her in. I don't mean to disrupt your life. I was just hoping you might look in on her, make sure they're treating her right. Don't hold my faults against my baby._

_When I get out I'm going to make things right with you. I mean it._

_Sincerely,_

_Richard Jr._

"I can't," Bobby whispered.

"What's wrong?" asked Alex.

"He wants me to see her. I c-can't."

His answer surprised her. "Why not?" she asked.

"What could I possibly offer her? Her life sounds tumultuous enough with out throwing a crazy uncle in the mix," said Bobby.

"You're not crazy," said Alex. "And you like kids."

"I just can't, okay? I can't do this."

"Okay. No one's forcing you," Alex soothed. "We don't have to talk about it again."

She pulled up in front of her house and they went inside. "I'm beat," she said. "Let's get some sleep."

He watched her walk down the hallway to her room tentatively. When she realized he wasn't behind her she looked back. "Aren't you coming?"

"I wasn't sure I was allowed," he said softly.

She went back and took his uninjured hand. "Come on, Bobby," she said, giving him a tug. "I can't have you up pacing all night, keeping me awake." He went with her, a little reluctantly.

xxx

"Eames," said Bobby, giving her a nudge.

She rolled over and put her back to him. "To early. More sleep."

He smiled at her back tenderly. "Eames," he tried again.

"Huh?" She rolled over to face him.

"May I borrow your car?" he asked.

She woke up. "Why?"

"I need to go somewhere. Please. I'll be back by dinner, I promise."

"I guess so. Keys are on the dresser."

"Thanks." He climbed out of bed.

"Bobby?"

"Hmm?"

"If you put one scratch on my new car…"

"Its my balls. I know. Not a scratch." He smiled at her and hurried to go get ready.

xxx

"I have to say I didn't believe it when the guard told me you were here," said Richard, entering the conference room.

Bobby watched him as he came to sit across the table. "It's been a long time," said Bobby, his voice betraying no emotion.

"Look, for the record, I'm sorry to hear about mom and I'm sorry I was such an ass to you," said Richard.

Bobby was silent.

"I screwed up, Bobby. I screwed up badly," said Richard. "I have nothing I can say for myself."

"You're damn right you don't," Bobby said coldly.

"I have a problem, Bobby. An addiction. I'm getting help with the gambling."

"No, hey, it's okay," said Bobby. "It's okay if you're crazy. Isn't that what you used to tell me? It's okay that you're crazy, Bobby. It runs in the family."

The coldness in Bobby's eyes chilled his brother deeply. "I'm sorry."

"And that's supposed to what? Just make everything okay," said Bobby, the pitch of his voice higher than normal.

"No. I wronged you. I won't make light of that."

"What about what you did to her?" asked Bobby. "Mom asked about you every week."

Richard looked pained. "I'm sorry."

Bobby stood up to leave. "Good," he said. "You should be sorry."

"Bobby, wait," Richard called after him. "Please. Your partner told you, didn't she? What about Ivy?"

"Don't ask me to do that," said Bobby roughly. And he left.

Author's note: I'm sure Bobby's reaction was surprising, but bear with me. As always, reviews make me happy.


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note: This one's a little different. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Borrowing. Don't sue. You wouldn't get much.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter 15

On Sunday, Bobby and Alex went to have dinner with her family at her mother's insistence. Sam, Elizabeth, her husband, Fred, and Caleb were all in attendance. Annette Eames out did herself again with a pot roast this time.

Alex hadn't asked Bobby where he went on Saturday. She figured if he wanted her to know, he'd tell her. Bobby had spent Saturday night in her bed, as plutonic as before.

Francis Goren's obituary had run that morning in the New York Times, announcing the time and location of her memorial service the following Tuesday and expressing a wish that flowers not be sent but that donations to fund research for psychiatric disorders were appreciated.

"You look down, Al," said Sam, catching her alone after dinner. The rest of the clan had herded Bobby off to the den to watch some home movies. Alex had offered to do dishes.

"Really?" she asked. "I'm not."

"And you're quiet," he added, taking a plate she'd just finished washing and drying it. "You're never quiet."

"I have layers," she snarked, scrubbing another dish.

"Forgive your loving baby brother for concern," he snarked back.

"Forgiven," she said, flicking water at him. He laughed.

"Is it Bobby?" he asked after a moment.

She scrubbed more furiously at the plate in her hands. "What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?"

"Stop being deflective and answer me," he said.

"Don't you try to boss me, Sammy."

"Alex, please!"

"I have nothing to say," Alex protested. "There's nothing wrong."

"Alex, I've been your brother for 29 years now. There's something wrong," said Sam.

Alex sighed but didn't respond.

"Okay, then I'll guess. You know all the ins and outs of Bobby Goren. He's more than your partner, more than your friend. You're his rock. That's a big responsibility."

"Shut up, Sam," said Alex.

"No, hear me out," said Sam. "You spend all your time worrying about this man. You take care of him. It's wearing on you. Being his emotional stability."

"Bobby takes care of me, too," said Alex. "We're there for each other. Now drop it."

"Clearly, I'm on to something," said Sam. "Look, Bobby is like family. But you are family. If he did something to hurt you, me and Ted and your cousins will go Irish mob on his ass."

Alex snorted in laughter. "No need for that."

"Did you guys have a fight?"

"Sam, it's none of your business."

"I noticed the bruise on Bobby's face. I thought it looked like your handiwork," said Sam.

"It was stupid. He deserved it, but I regret hitting him," said Alex. "We made up. Everything's fine."

"Did he hurt you? Physically, I mean," Sam asked seriously.

Alex stopped scrubbing and turned to look at her brother. "No, he didn't," she said. "And he never will. Bobby would never hurt me." She locked eyes with him. "If you believe nothing else, you need to believe that."

"Okay, I believe you," said Sam.

"Good."

"Are you in love with him?"

The plate she was holding shattered when it hit the floor. She was looking down at it, stunned. Sam took the broom from its corner and began to sweep up the plate.

Annette peaked in the kitchen. "Everything okay?"

"Don't come in, Mom," said Sam. "Ally broke a dish. I'll clean it up. Don't worry."

"Thank you, Sam," said Annette. She went back to the den.

Sam finished cleaning up the shards of china. "Does he know?" he asked, returning to his post and drying the next dish.

Alex was silent as she washed the next dish.

"He doesn't, does he? You spend all your time with him and take care of him but you've never told him."

"He's my partner, Sam."

"So what?"

"So I can't be in love with him."

"Semantics. You should tell him how you feel, if only to get it off your chest," said Sam.

"I'm never going to tell him," she said. "And if you tell him you'll be singing like a choir boy from here on out."

"I'm not going to tell," Sam assured her. "I'm just worried about you. You're wearing yourself thin, and being in love with him is making you miserable."

"I'm not miserable. I'm tired. It's been a rough few days," she said. "Bobby and I are fine. He knows I love him and that I'll be there for him, and I know he'll be there for me if I need him. We've been through a lot together."

"So you told him you love him?"

"Like family. Which is true."

"Did he say it back?"

She was silent for a moment. "He didn't have to," she said, finishing the last glass. "I know where I stand with Bobby." She was looking down at the sink so he couldn't see her eyes.

"It's still nice to hear," said Sam. "I just don't want you wasting your life on him if he doesn't appreciate you. You're a prize catch, sis. Don't forget that."

She sniffed slightly. "Bobby does appreciate me. I see it in all the little things he does for me," she said, keeping her voice even.

"Okay, Alex. Take care of yourself is all…" He saw a tiny splash in the dishwater. "Are you crying?"

"No," she said. Two more little ripple sets started in the still water of the sink.

"Oh, Ally." Sam pulled her into a hug.

Author's Note: It's been an emotionally trying time for Alex, too.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: Oh, thank goodness, less despair this chapter.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Borrowed with love. Made no money.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Chapter 16

"And so we commend our sister, Francis Goren, to God the Father. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Amen," the chaplain at Carmel Ridge finished the service.

Alex looked at her partner and squeezed his hand. He'd held hers all through the service. He gave her a half smile, though she could see unshed tears shining in his eyes. Now came the part he'd told her he wasn't sure he was ready for. Greeting the people who came; shaking hands; accepting condolences.

He rose and she went with him to lay a white rose beside his mother's urn and picture. The parade of mourners few and Bobby supporters many began. He looked at her, a silent plea in his eyes for her to stay by his side. She patted his arm for reassurance. She'd already promised to stay with him.

A few of the more stable patients at Carmel Ridge who had been his mother's friends were there. She would be missed, they said. Her nurses were all there. Francis Goren had grown near and dear to the hearts of many of the staff. Her primary doctors were there, and they assured Bobby she was at peace now after a lifetime at war with her own mind.

Mike Logan and Carolyn Barek had taken the day off from work to be there. They handed Bobby a big manila envelope. "Open it," said Mike. Bobby did and he and Alex looked at the contents in amazement.

It was a certificate presented to Francis Goren for her generous donation of over $6000 for schizophrenia research from The Lieber Schizophrenia Research Clinic. "How did you…" Bobby choked out.

"That's from the whole department," said Carolyn. "Mike and I put the word out."

Bobby covered his mouth with his hand. "Thank you," he said softly, overcome. Carolyn hugged him gently, a gesture that he returned.

"We miss you at work," said Mike. "You take care of yourself."

Bobby reached out to shake his hand. Mike pulled him into a hug.

Carolyn gave Alex a hug. "How are you doing?" she asked quietly.

"I'm okay," said Alex.

Carolyn smiled at her. "Let's have lunch on Friday, Alex. Just us girls."

"Okay," Alex agreed with a smile.

"Do I get a hug from the hot one, too?" asked Mike. Carolyn slapped his arm but Alex put her arms around his neck.

"You did a good thing, Mike," she whispered in his ear.

He grinned at her when he pulled back and ruffled her hair. "Take care of yourself, kid. See you back at work."

"Bye, guys. Thank you for being here," said Alex.

Bobby slipped the certificate carefully back into the envelope and sat it with his mother's urn. "Thank you for coming," he said to Jimmy and Angie Deakins.

"How are you doing, Bobby?" asked Jimmy. He patted Bobby's arm.

"I'm all right, sir," said Bobby. "Alex is such a godsend."

"That she is, son," said Jimmy.

"You and Alex come to dinner on Thursday," said Angie. "I want to see that you're eating okay."

"Yes, ma'am," said Bobby. "I wouldn't miss one of your home cooked meals for anything."

Angie hugged him. "Aren't you sweet? I'll see you then."

"Take care," said Jimmy.

They each hugged Alex and walked out together, holding hands.

Lewis was next. He hugged Bobby. "You come to the garage next week," he said. "I got a car coming in that you'd fall over yourself to work on."

"I'll be there," said Bobby.

Lewis moved on to Alex. "You taking care of him for me?"

"Always," she said.

"If he ever gives you any trouble, you tell me and I'll set him straight. He's a lucky guy to have you."

Alex blushed slightly. "Thanks Lewis," she said, giving him a quick hug.

Bobby was hugging an older lady that Alex didn't know.

"She was a fine lady," said Francis Goren's best childhood friend. "You come see me sometimes. Let me know how you're doing."

"I will, Mrs. Bertoli, I promise," said Bobby.

Alex surveyed the throng of her family that was the end of the line. She hadn't really expected them all to show. She went over to Ted and Elizabeth.

"When did you get in?" she asked Ted.

"Janet and I drove in with the girls this morning. We're staying until tomorrow afternoon," he said. He was holding Cassie's hand. "Janet's back at Mom and Dad's with Sarah and Caleb."

And truly, they were the only ones missing. Elizabeth and her husband, Fred were there. So was Sam, and of course Johnny and Annette.

They all went to Bobby to offer their condolences. He was amazed to see all of them there. He thanked each of them for coming.

Cassie tugged on his arm. He looked down. "Pick me up, Uncle Bobby," she said. He did. She put her little arms around his neck. "Don't worry, Uncle Bobby. Your Mommy is watching over you from heaven." Bobby squeezed her gently. "Don't cry, Uncle Bobby," said Cassie, distressed. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

Bobby smiled at her despite his tears. "You didn't make me sad, Cassie," he said. "Thank you for coming to see me."

"You're my favorite, Uncle Bobby," she said.

"Hey, what about me, squirt?" Sam teased.

"You're my other favorite." Everyone chuckled except for Cassie.

xxx

"I think I'm going to go home tonight," Bobby told Alex on the ride home.

"Okay," said Alex. "We'll go pick up your stuff and I'll give you a ride."

"You got me through this, you know," he said.

She turned to smile at him for a second, then back to the road.

"I mean it, Alex. I don't know what I'd do with out you. Thank you, for everything."

"You're welcome, Bobby," she said. "Did your mom have any place in mind for her ashes?"

"I'm taking them to Central Park tomorrow," said Bobby. "She wanted them spread by the Turtle Pond near Belvedere Castle. It was her favorite spot. She used to take me there when I was little."

"Lizzie and Janet and I are going to take the kids to the Central Park Zoo, tomorrow," said Alex. "You could meet us after you're done, if you want."

"I'd like that," said Bobby.


	17. Chapter 17

Author's Note: This is it. This completes the story arc of Bobby's angst. This is the end of this story. See my note at the end. It's important.

Disclaimer: I don't own CI. Lord help us if I did.

Title: Keeping It Together

By: Marion

Epilogue

Bobby sat beside the Turtle Pond for a long time that morning. I was a pretty day, crisp and cool, but not too cold. He thought about some really happy times he'd spent there when he was very young. His mom and his brother showing him the turtles. He smiled.

He took out his cell phone and called Alex. "What animal are you guys looking at?" he asked.

"Penguins," she said.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," he told her.

"See you soon."

xxx

"Uncle Bobby!" Cassie called. "Over here!"

He came closer and Sarah and Cassie ran to hug him. "Hi there," he said.

"We saw a big elephant," said Sarah excitedly.

"Come see the seals, Uncle Bobby. They're so cool," said Cassie. They took his hands and led him back to Alex and the rest.

"Hey, partner," said Alex.

"Good morning," he said, giving her a grin. She could tell he was feeling better.

They walked through the zoo, Sarah and Cassie excitedly pointing out animals and sights to Bobby.

"Do you like being my uncle?" Sarah asked Bobby, off-handedly.

Bobby stopped walking and grinned at the little girl. "Its my best title," he said. He looked at Alex. "I have to go."

"Noooo," whined Sarah and Cassie.

He knelt and hugged each of them. "I'll see you again before you know it," he said. "You be good."

He stood. Alex put a hand on his arm. "What's up, Bobby?"

He smiled warmly at her. "There's someone I have to see. I'll call you tonight."

"Good luck, Bobby."

"Thanks."

THE END

Final Note: **Please Read, IMPORTANT!**

Okay, before you send a lynch mob after me, there is a **Sequel**! I gave up writing my original nanowrimo novel because all I wanted to write was this. So I decided to write a Criminal Intent story for my nano novel.

The point of nanowrimo is to write 50,000 words in November. It's to turn off your inner critic and get your words out. With all of you counting on me to finish it I'll do better than I have in the past.

These are my promises to you:

I will write "The Ivy Green" in November. It will be BA shippy and it will have the story of Goren and his niece, Ivy. I will begin posting it in December as I edit it. I hope you will all read.

To make it easier to keep tabs on, I will post the first chapter as a preview so that you can put it on alert if you want to. The first chapter will be up at the same time as this chapter.

I'm doing it this way so that I can deliver you my best work. I don't want anyone to read my nano novel unedited.

Thank you for your reviews and your readership of this story. I can hardly wait until I'm ready to post "The Ivy Green."


End file.
